My brother

I really don't know what to do with my younger brother. Since the day when he was born, he is such a cute baby and I thought everything will be so beautiful with his presence in my life. Although we have a large age gap of 7 years old.

Unfortunately, he is a bit different from us, he has some learning disability that he cannot remember the words that he has learnt, he can speak English but if you were ask him to write it out, he cannot spell them out properly. During his primary school days, because of this, he often gets bully by his classmates that he is "stupid". He even hate going to the child care center after school  because he said the people there are not good to him. I know it can be quite tough for him, I understand. But even if he is like that, he didn't bother to buck up but still choose to play around and did not show any effort. My mum did brought him to see a therapist but did not make much improvement so we stop bringing him there. And the therapy is not cheap at all.

Since I say he loves to go out play around during his primary school days, he often make me very very upset, especially during the weekend. In the early morning, he will make a fuss by taking out plates and chopsticks and bang around. Just because he wants to go out (he does not have keys at that time). My mum does not allow him to go out every weekend, because after school sometimes he already go out to play instead of going to the child care center. Till I give in to him, he will keep making noise. My mum and dad works during weekend also, therefore I have to be at home to stop him from going out, if not if he and my sister are alone at home, they will confirm quarrel and fight. Day by day, i give in but crying and after that taking my keys out and let him go out but tell him to come back early.

As he does not have phone at that times, so when he goes out late, there's no way we can ask him where is he. Sometimes he promise that he will come back early but turns out he come back late. And I have to keep worrying and worrying and pray that he will come back as soon as possible. Life wasn't easy for me being the eldest.

Now that he is 13, he should be in secondary school studying but he is in Northlight now which is a special school that the student will learn "skills" more than english maths science all these. And he is turning more and more rebellious now.

My father was pretty fierce in the past and my brother is scared of him and don't dare to be disobedient. However, ever since my father suffered from a mild stroke. Everything literally changed. My brother don't even listen to him and even become rude to him just because he feels that he is useless and just keeps staying at home doing nothing. And also that my father once slap him and scolded him badly. He turns out to hate my father now.
How can? After all, he is still our father.

Not only this, during weekends, he will ask me for more money even though my mum has already give him allowance.And when he lent money from his friends or damaged his friends' things, he will come asking me for money to pay them back? You must be thinking why should I help him? But I help because he don't work so where will he get money to pay them when he don't even have any savings at all. I give, because I don't want him to lend money from outside. I don't know since when he started to know friends from outside that teaches him to smoke and all. He feels that the family cannot fufil his demands, we, are not rich, yes we cannot give him whatever he wants but, we have tried to do whatever we can to make him happy.
He wants a bicycle, I bought for him.
He wants money, I give him.
He wants a hand phone, my mum bought for him and he does not cherish it so we even changed a new one for him.

There's even a few times that principal even call back home and said that he almost fight in school, and said that she saw my brother having cigarettes with him. And gave him warning.

Not even so, there's even police case involved which did closed the case but there's will be still records.

Because of my brother being so rebellious, my parents really don't know what to do already, father cannot do anything, mother is already very tired being the sole breadwinner and yet she got so much endless troubles caused by my brother.

My brother still feels that friends outside are better than family. He says friends can gives him whatever he wants but family cannot. He said friends can gives him happiness.

I really don't know as the eldest what can I do to make things better. I am not a super woman who can save the world. Me, myself is also very tired. Life is not easy. Probably most of my friends don't understand, because they are either only child or they are not the eldest.

Eldest child is not easy, moreover having this kinda of family. There's more to my family problems. Not just all this that I have said.

Hang on is only what I can do to keep me going.